I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
