Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
