im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
