1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
