It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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