At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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