Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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