i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
