they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
