I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
