So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
