I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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