We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
only you would photoshop your dick
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
