I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
no, he came in my armpit
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dick very happy bro
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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