I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
