I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
