I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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