dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
