So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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