I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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