So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
