Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
