His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
