My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
