I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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