She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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