I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
