I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
