Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
