Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
