Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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