Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Randomize
