His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
