I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
