i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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