he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
