He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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