Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
