Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
