College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
