My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
