you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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