You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Enjoy the penises
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
