By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
