Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
