They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
