I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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