why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
