So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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