Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
