forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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