I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
