yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
