omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
